Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
