I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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