watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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