I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I cut my penus on the lid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
