Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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