I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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