put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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