I accidentally burped into my bong.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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