Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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