All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
