I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
