I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
