Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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