i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
