ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
