i think my mom watched the whole time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
