i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
