She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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