ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pants are for mortals
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