he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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