There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
