How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
