Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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