its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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