I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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