new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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