Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
