found the other keg... it's in the tree
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
dude. I can hear the air.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
