her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
