life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
