You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
