Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
