Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
