called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
