Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
