I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
