i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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