either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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