whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
