im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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