After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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