Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
