I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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