um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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