Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
