Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
