I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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