me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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