nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
