so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
