I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
