Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
