idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
