I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The best revenge is premature balding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
