i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
