I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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