Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize