I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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