So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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