no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
