sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
