question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
