You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
