mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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