He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
