when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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