You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
