You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
