Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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