rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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