She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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