3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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